Dear Goddess,

I get these kind of emails all the time, and for the most part I ignore them. For whatever reason I decided to reply to this one a moment ago and thought the result was amusing. =)

The email:

Dear Goddess,
I would like to serve you, but I’m afraid that I am not worthy or wealthy enough. You are the most amazing Dominant Woman I have ever laid eyes on. I see you take so much from your slaves and I’m afraid that I’d lose My entire savings to you. But I can’t stop looking at your site and your pictures. I’m obsessed with you. I’m at work right now, and I should be working but I can’t stop thinking about you. I don’t know what to do. Please tell me what to do.

My reply:

boy,
See if you can follow. I’ve made it really easy for your mushy little mind to comprehend.

1. You don’t “lose” anything to Me – you simply give to Me what is rightfully Mine.
2. You’re definitely NOT worthy. Your life ONLY has purpose IF you become My slave and please Me in said coveted position.
3. You’re probably NOT wealthy enough to be of much interest to Me – however, I’ll thoroughly enjoy taking everything you’ve got and then some. And I will get whatever I want from you.
4. What you get to do is go into the bathroom at your office and piss on yourself. You may then return to you desk and send Me $500 for that privilege.

The result:

Oh yeah, I got $900 from My birdy today too. But that’s not ALL!!!!!

I also got another one of these from him:

I’ll put up the rest later…..I’m getting goodies delivered right now!!!

Am I PHENOMENAL or what?!!!

These gift certificates aren’t even counting the THOUSANDS of dollars of stuff My little birdy buys off Amazon directly. It’s hot, I know!!!! No – I’M HOT! And I don’t just mean sexxxxxy. I mean ACHINGLY GORGEOUS AND TRIUMPHANTLY BRILLIANT!

Yeah if I was you, I’d want to be Me too! The problem for you is this:

I am The Incomparable.

Copy every word I write…no seriously, DO IT! How about you just call your dusty Amazon wishlist a WANTlist or some other cute derivative of My Divine Vernacular?! I’m sure the boypigs will clear up those goodies in a blinding flash! HAHAHAHAHA! No! Try bleaching those brunette locks suicide blonde like Mine! WHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! They’ll love you, I promise! Oh, here’s a good one….take up HYPNOSIS! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

No wait! I’ve got the perfect solution!

Get on your dirty cock-smoking knees and grovel like the rest of the WORLD!

P.S. The secret’s in the sauce!

UPDATE 3-30-08:

There is really only one thing to say about this…..

Whatever Thee Goddess Wants, Thee GODDESS GETS!

Nursemaids, mummy chickens and the perfect catch 22

I think I played more video games last week than I did in My entire childhood! I totally got sick again…..but it’s over.

Being out of commission and getting tributes and presents everyday makes it *almost* tolerable. That and having a little bell to ring when I want something.

slave was on vacation this week and he got to spend it being My nursemaid. Sure, I’m a brat. But when I’m under the weather, I am Damien from The Omen. Hahahahaha….I had him running around and doing so much that he literally passed out from exhaustion. After graciously letting him sleep for a few, I rang the bell loud as hell, woke him up and yelled at him to get out at 2am.

My house is immaculately clean now =) I had BOXES and BOXES stacked to the CEILING!!! My gifts strung out everywhere! My house looked like Amazon.com! Hahahaha!

And they are still coming! dodo keeps buying and tributing every day. Last week was $500 every day, a $1,100 Amazon gift card for the items he couldn’t buy, and today I woke up to another $1000. Isn’t ~~life~~ MY LIFE GRAND!

I also got another $1000 from zero. This Queen Bee addict tributed a long time ago and disappeared for awhile - had a Membersomenumber name – so I call him zero.

Psst….

psst….

hey zero….

Send 30 more of those thousand-dollar-drops….and don’t call Me until the 30 days is up.

I also made a phone call last week. Let’s just say it was a friendly reminder that ended in Me receiving an overnight envelope of $3000. I do love a perfect catch-22.

Mmmmm….

Anyway, now that I can finally speak again – I’m going to record some audio. I have a thousand painful ideas I must inflict upon you.

P.S. In the last month, lardbelly has eaten: dirt, alot of trashed food including a mummy chicken ROFLMAO!!!, department store flyers AND the contents of a petri dish (MY PERSONAL FUCKING FAVORITE! WHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAA!)

St. Valentine’s Day Massacre

Today, most of My boys got to bleed for Goddess in green…and red.

dodo sent another $1,000 and bought everything on My WANTlist once again. My entranced birdy has purchased $16,000 of goodies for Goddess in what, two weeks?

dedorko overnighted $2,000 cash and sent an AMAZING bouquet of exotic flowers that smell phenomenal. I must find out what they are – I have NEVER smelled flowers so divine in My life!

Other tributes for Aphrodite in the flesh:
zero – $1,000 (what a bizarre accompanying email…maybe I’ll post it tomorrow…)
hopeless – $650 (atrophy is what happens to it….HAHAHA)
lardbelly – $400 (tonight’s dumpster diving feast for porky: kitty litter GROSS PUKE!!!)
randomloser – $400

There were also seven $100 tributes from various boys – some I know, some I do not. I noticed. You’re simply not worth mentioning right now.

Also I’ve gone from a smothering fascination to blood lust. I bit david’s wrist until it bled. Little droplets of life. All Mine. His orgasm was instant. It was an extraordinarily powerful moment.

Then there were the thorns on the fragrant Angel face roses ( I do believe he must have asked the florist to leave them on, the little masochist) he brought Me…

His inner thighs look like a polka dot predator was on the loose. His penis cried.

It’s dodo’s fault really. All the gifts and the large daily tributes have aroused Me immensely.

I’m exhausted…..yet still, I thirst for more.

Take his breath awaaaayyyyy…..

I picked up some 20+ Amazon boxes that dodo got Me from the post office today. Yummy!

So I get them home, open them up….

and all I can think of is how I’d like to suffocate a boy with packing peanuts and bubblewrap….

So that’s what I’m going to do tonight.

The rest of you get to wait.

I might be available later on this evening…say around 11 or midnight or so. Then again, I might not.

Short and sweet

I woke up to $1,000 from dodo (pluck, pluck) and $500 from hopeless (shriiiveled)!

dodo has also been buying out My WANTlists so quickly that I don’t even know the $$$ amount it’s up to now…8-9 grand maybe??… and he’s also gone from sending $300 a day to $500 a day. So, the last two days I got another $1,000. =)

Does that make you feel even more inadequate than you already are? Thought so. Hahahahaha….

I got a bottle of stinky perfume from david1519. Yeah, Cashmere Mist stinks. Don’t buy it. How the hell DK would discontinue Chaos and make this putrid shit baffles Me.

I put a bunch of photos of My new goodies up.

Anyway, I’m playing with My new toys and relaxing.

That is all. Class dismissed.

more More MORE….

Another $3,000 in Amazon and $800 in tributes from dodo today. I’m rather enjoying plucking this little birdy…

So much more to tell…..but I’m going to go paint. I’m inspired.

Where, oh where did My WANTlists go!?

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

No sooner than I’ve put more things on My Amazon, then here swoops in little dodo, buying EVERYTHING up yet again! Today he bought about $1300 of goodies for Goddess ($5,500 total) AND tributed another $800.

randomloser also showed back up and put his $900 where it rightfully belongs – in MY ACCOUNT.
I’ve also got something delicious in the works. Wait for it.

You see, you dance with the Devil and the Devil doesn’t change….

She changes you.

The Girl With The Most Cake

My HUGE haul from dodo and the mustang came in today! Well, at least I think this is all of it….there maybe more…yuuuuuuuuummy!

It’s a pretty picture, but I like this one better:

I also made a new video today, check it out on the Goddess Channel.

I won’t be online tonight….but you’ll be thinking about Me…….

My WANTlists cleared out again!

I got a message from the mustang earlier that he also bought EVERYTHING off two of My WANTlists! I fill them up, and they disappear no sooner than I logout…..

But wait! There are still a few lists that aren’t completely cleaned up and so many of you lurking….

I want them ALL cleaned out.